“YOU DON’T HAVE TO ATTEND EVERY ARGUMENT YOU’RE INVITED TO.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO ATTEND EVERY ARGUMENT YOU’RE INVITED TO.”  （你不见得一定要出席每一个争执的邀请）

“You mean I don’t have to defend myself or my point of view?  But what if they’re saying things that aren’t true?  Shouldn’t I correct them?” 

An argument is when two people are engaged in the process of making the other person wrong, thus proving that they’re right.  Both sides gather all the information they have and from their position, there is an attempt to get the other person to surrender to a new point of view.  It can be a fun, educational process, or it can be a hurtful process of separation. 

If the argument is an educational process where everyone gets to learn and grow, then what a wonderful thing!  This is where two or more are gathered and allows for a magical new perspective to emerge, where a third point of view is discovered that embraces both points of view, and a win/win situation is created.  Let’s enter into these types of arguments because it generates newness and expansion is experienced. 

If, however, the argument is a hurtful process of separation, where everyone holds onto their position of rightness, pretending they know all that is to be known, then no - let’s not attend to these types of arguments. 

The challenge often is:  How do we gracefully back out of the hurtful argument without insulting the other person, or further engaging them in their desire to make us wrong?  How do we walk away from an argument with dignity? 

You could simply say, “I want to take a break to think about this, let’s talk later.”  Or, “Can we agree that it is okay for us to disagree, because I sense this is going to be one of those areas that we are going to see it from different points of view?”  Or, “I’m not sure we are going to resolve this right now, let’s let the ‘dust settle’ and revisit this at another time.”

There are times when the other person insists on arguing their point.  These types of situations require another type of skill set.  The best thing to do here is to do the “active listening” technique I describe in The Keys to Joy-Filled Living.  It’s also helpful to remember it’s hard to argue with someone who does not want to argue with you. 

The key here is to stay in our power, our loving, our neutral, and our peace.  When we walk through life from this perspective, we can see the learning and what is for the Highest good for all concerned.  If we find ourselves being disturbed or knocked off our center, it is often best to take that break so we can regroup and re-center into the our power.  This is an ongoing process of choosing to let go of our position of rightness and moving back into our position of loving.